To all of the non-smokers out there:

I’m sure you’ve been asked one of the classic questions from smokers in need: “hey, can I bum a smoke..”, “got a smoke I can buy off of you”, “yo man, you got a light?”, etc. (For me, I seem to encounter this question the most on late night walks home from the LRT.)

My automatic response tends to be “sorry, I don’t smoke,” and I often wonder why I had used those words for the next part of the walk home. Why? I’m not at all sorry that I don’t smoke! I am proud of the fact my body and wallet haven’t fallen prey that horrible habit.

With today’s knowledge of smoking I am amazed that anybody starts. (I realize that those of older generations than I are now facing the nicotine addiction issue … but people under 30, cummooon! What were you thinking?)

Going back to the issue of language I need to rethink my response:

• “I’m sorry to hear that you smoke, and I don’t, so buzz off” — this is likely to get me in trouble, though I do still say “sorry” in there…

• “There’s a 7-11 down the street”- though it should be fairly obvious already…

• “Here’s some nicotine gum … I keep it around for when smokers ask me for their next fix.”- not quite right and it would involve me spending money…

• “No”- Hmmm, I think this one would work best: short but effective, and it doesn’t involve me getting chased down the street by an angry smoker.